Love is in the air

Ahhhh yes...love is in the air...but not JUST cuz it's valentine's day...no no no...that's just a coincidence. Love is just, plain and simply, in the air.

Obviously for a few days i have been in mourning after the devastating event last Sunday (also known as the colts essentially only PLAYIN playin for the first quarter of the superbowl which resulted in the Saints walked away being the champions. Dont get me wrong..im not tryin to downplay the Saints talent bc they r a great team and when credit is due it must be given..BUT i DO think the end result would've been different if the colts would've actually played the whole game). ANYHOOTS...i never abandoned my love and fidelity to the colts but i def was in mourning...I am feeling the love tho again...love for the Saints for playin their hearts out and love for my colts even tho they really disappointed me to the point where i think i deserve a PERSONAL apology.

Another love circulating in the air around here is love for my body/health! And for reese's too! We are really taking some serious steps to start living healthier lives. We've never been terribly unhealthy buuuuuuuut we def have had some serious room for improvement. We've really started to get serious with not just exercising (which we both enjoy to do anyhoots) but we are really tryin to eat healthier, buy healthier foods, etc. We've never been the greatest at cooking for ourselves, but it's starting NOW!! We like spending the time with eachother while cooking and it's such a great feeling knowing that the end product was our creation and it's actually good for us! What a concept lol. So that's our newest gig: loving ourselves enough to take the time to cook for ourselves and try our hardest to let the MAJORITY of the food that goes in us to be something that's actually going to be of nutritional benefit to us. I say "majority" because let's be real...we aren't setting ridiculous goals of cutting out all sweets (ooohhh how i love cupcakes and other baked delights), red meat, etc. We just realize that those foods need to be very minimum and infrequent.

My next area of love that is lofting around in my life is one that isn't necessarily NEW, but continues to grow and continues to amaze me. Not too hard to guess that this would be talking about reese and the love we share. My parents came down Saturday and the four of us made a day of checking out reception sites in hopes to find one that we could book. Low and behold...we found one!!! Walking around Elements (the site) I just got so excited and as we sat and talked to the wedding coordinator about packages, decorating ideas, and other "big day" plans i was just bubbling up inside with excitement...everything became so REAL...we now had a date, church, and reception site and that all just sank in and i just felt so overwhelmed with joy that YES our wedding IS going to happen...we know when...and we know where...everything else will fall into place. I literally SKIPPED out of the building as we left and grabbed reese's hand i was so overwhelmed with joy hahaha. THEN i got even MORE GREAT news about our wedding day...I received confirmation that my birth-daughter, Tori, will be our flower girl!!! For so long I dreamed that she would be in my future wedding (even before i knew i would be getting married!)...i couldn't think of anything else making the special day THAT much more special. Tori and her family will all be in attendance at our wedding and that brings me more happiness that i can even begin to try and verbalize. In my mother dearest's words.."my cup overfloweth" :)

Finally, today at church was the last segment of the series called "Manly" which has been alot about men and the sociocultural views of what makes a man vs wat GOD has said makes a man. At the end of the POWERFUL service the men were asked to come down to the front to receive a blessing and to affirm that YES they wanted to be men of God...live it walk it breathe it...Not every man got up and took the offer of comin to the front and i didnt want to even look at maurice so that if he went up there it would entirely be HIS choice. Sure enough, he got up...asked me to just wait where i we were sitting...and he made his way into the line that led him to the front. As he stood there in line I looked down on him (we had been sittin on the second balcony) and my heart overflowed with pride and love for him. For a while i continued to sing along with the music, but then i just stopped and started praying. Thanking God for planting the seed in my future husband's heart, and being overfilled with joy that maurice has let that seed grow. I sat there so humbled that God would think so much of maurice and i to have given us each other. And i am so grateful that I have been blessed with the ability to give and receive love and that i have been able to experience here on earth a love so great that it leaves me in awe. The song lyric couldn't be more fitting.."God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you"...there have been so many twists and turns, and ups and downs in my life thus far and all of them have been so worth it bc without it all i would not be right here. right now.

Now it can be hard now and then this whole relationship/marriage business...marriage means LIFE..it means i love him enough to challenge him, grow into him, submit myself to him...and that means he's doin the same for me...and while he takes the whole challenging business pretty well i on the other hand dont always respond with a big smile when he challenges me even when deep down i know right there and then that i should be challenged and i DO need to re-think things/actions..no no no...very often my gut reaction to his challenges (as loving and necessary as they are) and the challenges that come along with making a relationship work is frustration/impatience/resistance bc it OFTEN means I have more to work on. And well frankly, sometimes id rather not admit im imperfect and that i have to tweak things here and there...i mean geez wats wrong with a little ignorant bliss every now and then?! haha. Trust me...after i get over the initial reaction to the challenge i welcome the challenge with open arms bc its these challenges that are helping me to become who God created me to be and they are helping maurice and i become the husband and wife we were created to be. Regardless of how much you love someone, how much u "click", and how "good" of people u are relationships TAKE WORK. We all have a selfish gene in us that we have to fight thru...more often than not we naturally want to satisfy ourselves in the immediate moment rather than embrace challenges that take time but produce a much more magnificent result. I'm just so blessed to have someone who challenges me, not simply to be a pest and difficult, but because he truly loves me enough to help me be greater than i even knew i could be. He sees in me wat i dont and he challenges me with love to bring wat is buried underneath to the surface. And I lovingly do the same for him. Once again, not to prove someone's wrong or point out flaws out of spite etc...simply loving someone so much to help them become who God intended them to be. I can't say it enough...i am SO HUMBLED and SO THANKFUL that God would love maurice and i enough to give us eachother and the gift of genuine love. And im even more thankful that we were given the ability to SEE, APPRECIATE, and RECEIVE the gift of one another.

Looking forward to a relaxing Friday night...

So last weekend I worked Fri, Sat, Sunday night...then I had monday and tuesday off which I spent making phone calls to and visiting potential reception sites with the hubsters (which partly was torture because i got up early in order to make the phone calls and visit during "normal business hours" but for the most part the time was enjoyed). Then i worked wednesday and thursday night and now its Friday morning and I'm lookin forward to a few nights off!! I think ill wake up a LITTLE early today (maybe like 4ish? ok who am i kiddin ima need to sleep till atleast 5...ya gotta remember im goin to bed around 9am!) make a few phone calls and then hopefully have a *super dee duper* relaxing evening with the future Mr.

Forecast says we're getting a "winter storm" so im hoping to make some yummy dinner together, sip some hot cocoa, light some candles, and snuggle up and watch movies! I'll probably read some of my book, too (called "Committed"...i *love* it).

Then, Saturday is the *SUPERBOWL* of preaching at Crossroads! I'm so excited!! I absolutely love our church communit. I've been praying alot about my "issue" regarding catholicism vs protestant (i guess thats wat we'll call the whole scenario lol), and I really feel like God's been speakin to my spirit in little ways...Maurice and I have been going to a catholic service and crossroads on the weekends and are tryin to do that every weekend to fully engage in this search for wat God wants of us. As of now, I still have no definite answer...which is fine w me becuz im atleast at *peace* and i really wasnt for a little bit as i was trying to figure out this whole "religion" battle on my own...Now im trustin more that God knows my heart and hears my questions and frustrations and I know that, in time, I'll get my answer...but for now he's given me peace and dog-gone it that's fine with me indeed!!

Then...the finale of the weekend....*SUPERBOWL SUNDAY*!!!!! COLTS VS SAINTS!!!

**LET'S GO COLTS!! GET EM!!**

Needless to say...im geeked! Reese and i are headin back to the *317* for a superbowl par-tay at the parentals!!! Im hopin that some of my mains can over and join in the fun, too!! Friends+family+my mom's delicious superbowl treats+THE COLTS IN THE SUPERBOWL= SHWEEEEEEEEEETNESS!!!!!

Now its 630am and im wrapping up my time here with my babies in the lovely CICU (they had a very good night!! ALWAYS a blessing...and i actually had some downtime now to blog..even sweeter!)... ready to go home...get some snoozies...and wake up to an awesome weekend :)

*Crossroads: The Daily*

I really liked this daily scripture/message sent from my amazing Crossroads family. Just wanted to share :)

READ
Galatians 2:26-28

26You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, 27for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. 28There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

REFLECT

Sometimes it's easier to receive grace than give it.
When you enter into a relationship with Jesus, you immediately become one with the entire family of Christ-followers: past, present, future. You don't handpick this family by deciding who's the most fun to hang around or who makes your life the easiest. Whoever chooses to follow Jesus is part of his family, and every one of us is fully loved and fully redeemed. So even though it's often our tendency to judge and rank others, God sees no distinctions or divisions between us. We all need the same measure of grace.

How does the idea of being welcomed into a new family strike you? What hopes or hesitation does this cause you to feel?
How has this new family (i.e. the Church) been one of the ways you've experienced God's love and freedom?

RESPOND
God's family, the Church, is designed to be a support system for Christ-followers and a force of God's love and freedom in the world. Just like any family unit, in order to be healthy, vibrant and effective, its members must be committed and engaged. Think of one need in your life right now, whether it's physical, emotional or spiritual. Ask God to meet that need through your Church family, and ask him to meet someone else's need through you.

Philippians 2:1-11

Have the Attitude of Christ

1 Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? 2 Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.

3 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.
5 You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. 6 Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. 7 Instead, he gave up his divine privilege; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, 8 he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.

9 Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor and gave him the name above all other names, 10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

An early morning moment with God

Here I am...at 3:45am awake with my mind running rampant..I'm awake originally bc im workin nights for the next 3 weeks so its hard for me to fall asleep at "regular times" even when i dont have to work. I tried to lay down and sleep anyway but my mind wouldn't stop thinking (read: worrying). Since Reese graduated in December he's been lookin for a job and so far we haven't had much luck. I don't know if we just aren't lookin in the right places or if it's just cuz of the economy but all i know is he still doesnt have a job...or really any interviews for that fact. And for a while i was ok and at peace knowin that if just someone would give him an interview and give him a shot they'd realize they made the best decision for their business, but getting that initial interview has been difficult. And him having NO experience doesnt help either..with playing basketball all 4 years of college he didnt really have time for internships/jobs during school so he is *truly* a *new grad at the entry level* and in this market there doesnt seem to b much room for new grads with no experience.

Then i started worrying what he'll even end up doing...will we have to move somewhere else to find him a job? How long will this waiting process take? Is he not gonna want to focus on the excitement on us getting married bc he's too consumed with worry about not having a job? What if he gets a job finally but they wont let him off for our wedding/honeymoon since hes so new?! what if he instead goes back to school since he cant find a job? then he REALLY wont be able to take off a week for our wedding/honeymoon which would fall smack dap in the middle of a semester. Should i even keep planning the wedding?!? Or should i wait until i know more?!?

As u can see..my mind was spiraling...downward...fast. All i was able to focus on was the worst case scenario...and for the most part ive been so hopeful and positive, waiting patiently for wat God had in store for us...but then this fear of the unknown started taking over and i couldnt shake it. All i wanted to focus was on our wedding...but i couldnt. All i could think about was "wat does our future hold?"...but wat worried me most was that i wasnt thinkin about the future with faith that God would protect and provide...i was full of doubt. Full of fear. Fear of the unknown. So worrisome. So fearful. So focused on wat i couldnt control and wat i didnt know. So far from trusting God.

I subscribe to "the daily" from crossroads so i get daily scripture and thoughts to reflect on and as i was sitting here at my computer checkin my email i saw my new "daily" and the passage was "galatians 2:11-14" which talks about Peter giving into fear and how it that fear caused him to lead his heart away from God. After reading the passage there was a question that asked me to think about a time i was fearful and wat the consequences were of giving into that fear. Then it asked me to think of a fear affecting my life NOW, confess it to Jesus and ask him to replace that fear with peace and the belief that he would protect me and provide for me. I do *not* think it's coincidence that it was THIS night that i became so overwhelmed with this fear of maurice and his job hunt/our future only to be led out into the living room to read email since i couldnt sleep and then read this passage! Even when my prayers were weak and my words proclaimed trust in Him yet my heart yelled FEAR God heard me...and He came to me...in a simple email bringing me His word...restoring my peace.

YES...there is so much that is unknown...and i am ashamed to say that, often times, my initial reaction to that unknown is fear even when i know that i have a protector and a provider in Jesus.

Phillipeans 4:6-7 tells me not to be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard my heart and my mind in Jesus Christ.

Psalm 46 states 1 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. 2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, 3 though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. 4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. 5 God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. 7 The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. 8 Come and see the works of the LORD, the desolations he has brought on the earth. 9 He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear, he burns the shields with fire. 10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."11 The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Psalm 27 tells me "The Lord is my light and my salvation—so why should I be afraid? The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble?"

2 Timothy 1:7 tells me that God has given me a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. So, this FEAR that i am feelin is NOT him...by me allowing myself to be consumed by fear i make evident my lack of faith in Him as my protecter and provider. I have sold him short and insulted him...I, like Peter, allowed fear to rule instead of God...and where did that get me? Worried, more fearful, FAR from peaceful, and with no answers. My worries and fears will get me no where. My faith in him will bring me peace. My trust in him to rule as protecter and provider will allow him to be the GREAT GOD that he is.

Lord work on my heart and my mind. Sometimes it's so easy for me to fear the unknown and to worry about things that aren't in my control. Please renew my mind. Fill me with your peace. Open my eyes so i can see what u have laid out for maurice and i. Open my ears so i can hear you calling out to me. Open my heart and pour your peace into me. Take away this fear that does nothing but pull me farther from you. Thank you for always having a hand in my life ready to comfort me and lead me. Thank you for being a protecter and provider. Thank you for keeping me in your love and grace. I pray that you would keep maurice and i strong and rooted in you as we continue this journey. Give us patience and help us to let go of the control we desire to possess. I thank you in advance for the job opportunity you have for maurice and the plans that you have in store for us. Forgive me for my doubts. Protect my mind from doubting in the future. I want to be grounded in you so i can have the overwhelming peace that only you can give. Thank you for your living word. Thank you for hearing me. And thank you helping me simmer cuz id get no sleep at all if my mind kept racing at that pace, and now that u have filled me with calm i ask that you'd be so generous as to let me rest and sleep. Bless Maurice and fill his heart with your peace. Show him the path you have laid for him. I pray he trusts you and your plans for him...and i hope that his trust holds firm against any fears that would try to consume him. Let him know how much i love him, and help me to show him my love at all times even when im a hot mess. Thank you loving me enough to always hear my cry and answer me even when ive allowed my heart and mind to stray. Your patience and faithfulness humble me. In your son's name i pray. Amen

2 is better than 1

Soooooo we are 99.9% finalized on October 30, 2010 at Bellarmine Chapel! That's right! My alma mater!!! We aren't saying we're getting married at "Xavier" so to spare the tender feelings of my long-time UC fan fiance lol...but i mean really i think bellarmine is a great church for us! The first time we met was at Xavier (when he so boldy came into my dorm room to introduce himself and violate my blankie by sittin on it...how rude...haha), I obviously am an XU graduate and i absolutely loved my four years there (although thank ya Jesus May 2009 finally came around cuz as much as i loved xavier i was burnt out thanks to being a nursing major)...another reason Cincinnati in general works for us is because this is where we grew TOGETHER, it's where HE and both sides of his family are from, and Bellarmine is where i often attended mass while an undergrad. No, Bellarmine isn't the most beautiful church ull ever see and it doesnt have a very long aisle for me to make my grand entrance (petty comments i know i know...im so shallow lol) but it MEANS something to us and we are very excited to finally have a date and a church! Now we just gotta find a reception hall/venue...

As for the "engagement period"...I'm not gonna lie. Call me vain or wateva ya please but i LOVE glancing down at my left hand and seeing my beautiful ring shine back at me...it's like it's saying "Jessi! Ur soon goin to be his WIFE! And he'll be ur HUSBAND!! and im the bling to prove it!" hahaha. No but seriously...i am so excited to be on this journey and to start a new chapter in our lives. I gotta admit tho, I'm slightly scared. Now no jumpin the gun here. Lemme lay this out first and foremost I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO DOUBT IN MY MIND THAT MAURICE ANTHONY BROWN HAS BEEN PUT IN MY LIFE BY GOD TO BE MY HUSBAND, *LIFE-LONG* COMPANION, AND ETERNAL BEST FRIEND...and that doesnt scare me what-so-ever! It makes me so unbelievably full of gratitude that God would love me so much as to give me such a great gift as Maurice for me to love and grow with for the rest of our lives. What scares me is the challenges that we will indefinitely face. It should come as no or little surprise that I am a rather head-strong, independent, outspoken women who cherishes my space, time of solitude, and i often like having things done the way id do them, and when/how/why/etc id like those things to be done...even tho i can be QUITE laid back and roll w the punch i sure do have some serious type A qualities. Now the good thing about all that is dag-gone it i get stuff DONE and i do it GOOD to the fullest of my potential...i dont need help (although its appreciated) bc often times i've already completed the task before i realize that maybe i could've used some help. OR what ill do is ask for help from the get go but then get frustrated cuz the task at hand isnt completed the way I would've done it so then i end up doin it anyway. Terrible, I know. And waht makes things even WORSE is that to 95% of the general population i would never get frustrated with...id be the laid-back Jessi and id realize that not everybody does things like me (and that can be a rather good thing). So then we'd all move on and still be happy honky-dory. But not when it comes to my living arrangements. Not when it comes to my house. Not when it's the things in the place that's supposed to be my place of rest. I get rather particular when it comes to things around the house. At home I feel like i can fully unwind...kick back and feel at peace...i like things at my house to be relatively in my control bc i realize that life in general is entirely OUT of my control (yet often another rather good thing) so having some control w the flow of my house just kind of gives me peace...some sanity if you will. But what SCARES me about all this in regards to marriage is that for the rest of my life ill be sharing a house with another adult and eventually little squirts that will turn into bigger squirts who will all have opinions of their own and will all like things a certain way...my luck, they will all want things exactly opposite the way i do...so OUT THE DOOR goes any chance of me havin any control on my life hahaha. So, recently ive been havin some frequent "my way or the highway" moments with my unbelievably patient and carefree fiance. I get in these moods when I just want to sit in silence, I don't want jokes cracked every 2 seconds, I dont really even feel like having to think about somebody else's feelings and just LET LOOSE and say whatever i want, do watever i want, and just the world be Jessi's world. Having these moments is frustrating for more than one reason. #1) i get frustrated that i even get that frustrated which then just compounds the situation. My emotions tell me im frustrated, I want to be alone, I don't feel like laughin at jokes, etc but my heart and mind are sayin "Jessi...this is ridiculous. Snap out of it sister!" Then i just get more and more frustrated as i try to rationally STOP bein such a douche-bag yet i just cant seem to yet! It's a vicious circle i tell u. Vicious. And it's frustrating realizing that YES, im being a complete nut case and quite the unpleasant individual cuz thats not who i am the majority of the time. I just have episodes. And i dont like them. No i dont. I just want to be nice, happy, and love maurice and his presence every second of everyday. But God gives us emotions to feel...and feeling is a blessing...so essentially wat this means is I have to allow myself to feel while at the same time try and find wat got me all revved up to begin with so that i can get to the bottom of it, resolve it, and move on. All this requires work. And when you're frustrated the LAST THING YOU WANT TO DO is admit there's something you have to personally work on. And to be honest, that just blows when all u wanna do is act like a 4 year old throwing at temper tantrum even when u know ur ridiculous for wanting to (for clarification i do NOT allow myself to throw the tantrum publicly even in the publicity of my home. But i am most definitely wanting to internally and if u r ever around me when this turmoil is occuring inside of me u will know because my face makes it evident. I'm not a hard book to read lol).

Ok, on to #2) Now this will sound RIDICULOUS. Why? Because it is. Entirely. I tend to hold this extremely high standard for myself...even in my realization that i am not and never will be "perfect" bc i am human (which typically settles GRRRRREAT in my bones) i still think things like "i should've known better", "if only i could be more (fill in the blank)", etc etc...unfortunately i occassionally worry "what if im not the wife maurice thought he signed up for? what if im not good enough at fulfilling that role? are my thoughts of wat an ideal wife is even wat God sees as how a wife should be and wat she should do? or are my thoughts all a hot-mess thanks to societal and cultural pressures as to wat being a "good wife" entails?" In the end...after i have an internal debate regarding the topic for quite some time I usually stop. Smack myself out of it. And pray that God would help me to be the woman and wife that he intended me to be. I gotta let Him mold me (always havin to relinquish control...glory glory). So like i said from the get go, i realize that this is a RIDICULOUS worry of mine bc he loves me enough now even more than he did 2.5 years ago..and enough to want to MARRY me so apparently im doin something right! Not to mention, we women beat ourselves up enough bc we always feel like there's something more we should be doing...something wrong w us that we need to change whether physical/emotional/etc...and it's just gotta stop it really does. Challenge urself to better urself yes. Always thinkin there's something ur NOT doin or something u need to change cuz ur not good enough the way u r...NOT so hot. Dont judge me for thinkin all the "good wife" stuff tho. I'm just being real with wat i been wrestlin with.

And now #3) These "moments" of mine are further frustrating bc i truly love maurice with all my heart. He is the kindest, sweetest, most patient (continue with all of the greatest qualities an individual can possess lol) individual and he is who i love the most and unfortunately since he is truly the only individual that gets the ENTIRE JESSI PACKAGE he gets the WRATH as well. Bummer isnt it. Even when im frustrated at something no where near related to him the poor man gets the wrath. I *always* apologize for my...well...we'll call them my "unfortunate moments" ..bc i truly dont like that side of me, but MAN do i just feel like the world's worst future wife when i get in those funks. I realize that i am only human and therefore i cant be little miss perfect (which actually makes me want to gag at the thought of it anyway..the little miss perfect role isnt cute to me...at all...lol) but i keep on prayin for more patience PARTICULARLY with maurice who is the only individual i feel i can be totally open with at all times. I dont want to be a cotton headed ninny muggins. I promise, I really dont!

So whats "SCARY" about all this is the constant realization that welp...i got a lot to work on...and alot of the individual supremacy i want to have i HAVE to let go of in order to allow our marriage to grow as it should...and to me, someone who really likes that little bit of control, the thought of losing that can be scary. And the realization that REGARDLESS of how much we love each other and see eye to eye on so many things we ARE gonna have LOTS of things to work on TOGETHER...AS A TEAM...it no longer can be like the many group projects i was a part of (read: the whole group is supposed to work together to reach the final product but bc i can be so type A i just do the entire thing)...I cant make decisions on my own REGARDLESS of how RIGHT i think (read: "know" lol) i am...I cant get frustrated and then sit in seclusion for hours and then never address the issue...I am FOREVER accountable to somebody else...and EVERY decision will and SHOULD be made TOGETHER...and while a large part of me thinks thats FABO...there's still that part of me that wants things to just go my way. We are all born with some degree of personal superiority...and we all inherently selfish wanting to satisfy our needs first bc honestly its usually wat gives us the quick easy...but the quick easy isnt wats best for us. And we can grow if we only have ourselves to hold us accountable.

And THATS why im so EXCITED to marry him. I will always be challenged to grow and be better...no more sitting stagnant in MY ways, but actually learning to be constantly acting/thinking/loving for the sake of another...and the rewards of that will be beyond anything i can imagine, I'm sure of it. But the transition to get there...to really start letting go of the "ME complex" i unfortunately possess will be difficult and maybe a bit scary bc u really start seein who u are when ur challenged and pushed out of ur comfort zone..Sometimes what comes to light ya REALLY dont like...and even tho reese is my comfort zone in MANY ways, I realize he will also be God's way of pushing me OUT of the same comfort zone. And i realize that while im prolly not gona like seein my "unfortunate moments" come to light and itll seem scary in the process of changing a lifetime of possessing those hidden secrets, I know that once those things are brought to light ill actually be able to SEE them for wat they are...and then change them. God and i know it's all for my good. And God knows im a wee bit apprehensive about that aspect of marriage...but im in it to win it!! The sacrifices will eventually seem so little for what will be given. And at the same time of bein a bit scared, im so *EXCITED* to see how I, personally, and US as a married team grow. Growth that I'd never see without my mister challenging me and supporting me the whole way. As much as i hate to admit sometimes...2 is most definitely better than 1.

*Pics from the Proposal*

I have some pretty darn awesome photographer friends ...ok so maybe they aren't actual photographers but they captured some GREAT pics from one of the most special days of my life and I'm so very grateful! I'm also grateful my super fabo fiancee had my friends there at the proposal so that pics could be takin to capture the moment! Or i suppose the "immediately after" moment lol. Documentation of emerging from the basement below:

*MY MAID (technically "matron" lol) OF HONOR* Love her!

I should be a hand model. Dont hate. ps. Candycane nails=awesome! hahaha

Cheesin TOO hard..lovin the looks of my ring finger :)

CANT WAIT TO HAVE THE WEDDING BAND CUZ THATLL MEAN WE ARE MARRIED! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!