I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!! TORTURE!!!!

I can't do it...I can't wait. Feb 5, 2011 is the *probable* (NOT definite) wedding date. We've been talking wedding talk for a long time being that we knew we'd be getting married for almost 2.5 years now and we always envisioned a winter or fall wedding...but mostly a winter wedding. It just sounds so classy, warm, beautiful...and we just picture ourselves getting married in the late fall or winter. BUT I CANT WAIT UNTIL FEB 5 2011!! It sounded great at first. February is a romantic month in general...itll be cold outside but nice and cozy inside at our wedding with all our loved ones. It'll be cheaper than standard May-October weddings since it's considered an "off-season month"...but i just wanna marry him :( I want him to be my husband. I want to be his wife. We have God centered at our relationship and our lives but I want it to be "official". I want to be MARRIED to my best friend, the one I'll spend the rest of life's journey with, the one God put in my life to push me to limits i never thought i could reach and to give me the greatest gift anyone could ever ask for, his love. Yea i know it sounds a little mushy...little corny...cliche maybe too...but i mean it i really really do. I have felt so ALIVE ever since he came into my life...being loved by him is hands down the greatest gift God has given me (other than God's love itself! haha). And being able to love him back is so rewarding...really let myself simply be me...and love unconditionally without any worry or doubt of my outpouring being abused, betrayed, unappreciated... Since I've let God pour into me I've seen blessings after blessings unfold...and i truly believe Reese is one of them...God sent me someone who would love me just as He loves me...it's like I have God's love in tangible form via Reese! lol. Seriously tho!!

And I just feel so brand new since ive set my heart on God and since Ive finally let myself fully love another...These past 2.5 years have made my heart grow 10 to the 10th power in size I just know it!! hahahaha...and im just so full and alive with him that its hard waiting another to be joined as man and wife!! I'm so ready for that next chapter in our journey...He's been my husband for over 2 years in my heart and spirit...but im ready for it to be official...I want the union, I want the last name to be shared with him, I want it all...

I understand weddings take time to plan especially when ya got big families on both sides, but more than ever all of that seems so minute to me...I just want to be his wife. The "dream wedding" would be great and all but whether its beautiful, well planned, etc or NOT...in the end we'd still be MAN AND WIFE and THATS wat is most important to me...

The fiancee (still sounds weird to me hahaha) REALLY likes the date feb 5, 2011 but he wants to be married sooner, too...hes more patient than me tho...he's willing to look into earlier dates but i really think his heart is set on feb 5...we will see tho...dec 4 2010 is still in the running, too...i really could go for september or october tho...LOVE the idea of winter wedding...but i LOVE the thought of being married to him even more...so we'll see...until then...please pray with me for my patience...and for wisdom...am i being too hasty? or is this God's push in me??

Oh Lord grant me your peace...rest this heart and mind of mine...and make wat YOU want to happen, happen...you know so much better than I (good thing!)...i thank you for giving me love on earth TWICE in my life thru ur son and thru maurice...and in my family and close friends, too...uve just been so good to me...thank you God for your goodness...now if you could rest this heart and mind of mine id be much appreciative :) and id really love a sooner wedding date, too soooo if u could make that happen AWESOME...unless ur plans r different then please just help me to follow u and not myself... you are loved and adored...Love, ur daughter Jessi