Matthew 5: 43-48

Matthew 5:43-48 Love for Enemies "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

I'm struggling with my worldly thoughts. I have VERY few people that I can say I don't like enough to not handle being around...very few as in...one. There's some other people I'd rather not be around, but I can stand it for short periods of time...just one that I'd be fine to never run into again...ok, maybe 2. One guy. One girl.

I do my best to kinda feel people out and not spending large amounts of time around people that I see potentially bringin out certain feelings/emotions/reactions in me that I'd rather not exhibit but are hard to suppress given the provoker. I don't like to get frustrated or angry at people, and I don't like when it's easier for me see the weaknesses of an individual than to see their strengths. EVERYONE has their strengths and weaknesses. EVERYONE has the potential of getting on someone else’s nerves and not EVERYONE is liked by EVERYONE. And there’s nothing wrong with any of that. It’s reality. Often times we seem to surround ourselves with others who share common traits/likes/dislikes/lifestyles/etc because it’s easier to be with others like us. I don’t see there being a problem with that as long as we don’t discriminate and entirely shut out anyone who ISN’T like us.

I like surrounding myself with a good mixture of people..i like hearing different perspectives..i like a little challenge to help me grow..but I also like my close friends who I truly believe we have similar DNA bc we are so similar in so many ways and just the right differences that compliment each other. The reason I have VERY VERY few people on my “UGHHHH don’t like” list is because I choose not to focus on people’s flaws..I find the things I love about them and I focus on that. Often times I’ll recognize the things I don’t like so much about the person and then I’ll question myself as to why I don’t like those traits..i try and see why certain things bother me and then I try and adjust myself and pray for personal growth/patience/change if it’s more of a personal problem that is keeping me from growin deeper with that person…OR if I find that the traits are just principle issues that I don’t respect or like then I simply try and distance myself JUST ENOUGH to still be friends with that person while not letting those certain traits get under my skin. I am all too aware of my own weaknesses and I’m sure there’s plenty of people who limit their time around me bc maybe those weaknesses are the most annoying those possible to someone else…and that’s totally fine. I realize I’m not perfect and I don’t expect everyone to be my “best friend”…all I want is for people to love me enough to pray for me and to hopefully see the Christ in me and the good in me. I know who I am, I know my flaws and I know my strengths…and I love me. Flaws and all! Haha.

So, back to my philosophy on friends. I really do *love* people in general…flaws and all…I just realize that certain characteristics in individuals works my nerves more than others and, thus, I try and remove myself temporarily from that person/provoking characteristic so that I can continue to focus on the good and not get taken over by my worldly agitation and lack of patience. I try to be patient, I REALLY DO! And I think I do a darn good job at it…even when Im EXTRA irritated I think I do a really good job of removing myself from the situation, clarifying my thoughts, calming down, and THEN addressing the issue in a loving and rationale way…the majority of the time this is how I handle things…but every now and then I have a hard time and I just get irritated!

This “every now and then” moment happened within this past year…I was SO patient and prayed and prayed and prayed that God would help me focus on the positives in this individual and continue to love her and take away my rather intense frustration towards her. I def think the prayers helped bc a few years ago when I just said what’s on my mind IMMEDIATELY when I thought of it in the heat of anger I woulda gone CRAZY and unleashed every last one of my thoughts and frustrations in a less than Christian manner. Now, I handle things SO much better…but it aint easy…oooooohhhh no it aint easy. Especially when the person keeps workin their way under my skin persistently. So, I kept praying for peace in my mind, patience with this girl, and I prayed that I’d be understanding…try and understand why she is the way she is so then MAYBE it’d be easier to deal knowing her story. Eventually, I blew up…I apologized afterwards and I genuinely meant it (I meant EVERYTHING I said, but not the manner in which I said it), but I def blew up. And even after tryin to reconcile things she just erked me entirely. And she still does to this day. We don’t speak…we don’t see each other…and we haven’t since we haven’t had to. For the most part, this has been FINE AND DANDY with me…I’m not frustrated all the time and im much more at peace without all that drama and extra-ness…BUT, I started to get concerned with my comfort in never seeing her and my enjoyment in not having the engage with her entirely after matthew 5:43-48 began to marinade. I had heard it before, but for some reason it was marinading now…here I am tryin to grow in my faith, in love, in Christ, and yet I cringe when I see her name on facebook and when her name pops up I’m thinking “I hope she’s doin well but GEEZ im so happy I don’t got to be around her”…how sad, right? I mean, like I said earlier…im not goin to like everyone enough to hang around all the time and THAT’S OK..but to cringe when I first hear/see her name and then rejoice that she is far removed from my life is just sad…and far from what Christ would want of me. Being a Christian isn’t easy dag-gone it…sometimes I just wanna not like someone and remove them entirely from my mind and be happy bc of it…I mean, for real..DO I REAALLLLYYYY gotta love her? God tells me yes. And my heart tells me yes. My mind just says HELL NO! RUN AWAY!!! Hahaha…it’s been an unsettling issue in my spirit for a while now…but I REALLY don’t want to talk to her and that’s what I feel like im bein led to do..i don’t even know what id say tho?!? I still feel the same about her…there are certain things I just cant tolerate and she possesses those things and I don’t see any desire in her to change that…its like its embedded in her..i suppose I could start focusing on her strengths more…cuz she has plenty…shes not like the worst person in the entire world...no where near it.. but its like all I can focus on when I hear her name is the things that erk me…and that’s not fair to her and im carryin unnecessary baggage…

“…He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?...” à YIKERS! That hurts…I KNOW that God wants me to love, ESPECIALLY those that are difficult to love…he clearly states it…and it makes sense…what’s so honorable and great about loving those who are easy to love? Nada…zip…zilch. It’s just so hard…my worldliness butts in and just makes this living Christian thing quick the challenge…but I know it’s all worth it. And my reward in heaven is so much greater than gratification here on earth…its just hard…

God, encourage me to be more like you…help give me the strength to grow in love and enrich my spirit and set aside my pride and the desire to live comfortably so that I can live more with you and live in the peace and love that only you can give. Help me renew relationships that are broken. Help me to see the good in people as I hope others will see the good in me regardless of my flaws. Give me patience and peace that surpasses all understanding. Help me to be more like you…humble me…forgive me for faults/thoughts/words…renew in me a new spirit. And please bless those I have lacked in blessing. You have the power to change my thoughts and my heart…make me more like you Lord.