Here I am...at 3:45am awake with my mind running rampant..I'm awake originally bc im workin nights for the next 3 weeks so its hard for me to fall asleep at "regular times" even when i dont have to work. I tried to lay down and sleep anyway but my mind wouldn't stop thinking (read: worrying). Since Reese graduated in December he's been lookin for a job and so far we haven't had much luck. I don't know if we just aren't lookin in the right places or if it's just cuz of the economy but all i know is he still doesnt have a job...or really any interviews for that fact. And for a while i was ok and at peace knowin that if just someone would give him an interview and give him a shot they'd realize they made the best decision for their business, but getting that initial interview has been difficult. And him having NO experience doesnt help either..with playing basketball all 4 years of college he didnt really have time for internships/jobs during school so he is *truly* a *new grad at the entry level* and in this market there doesnt seem to b much room for new grads with no experience.
Then i started worrying what he'll even end up doing...will we have to move somewhere else to find him a job? How long will this waiting process take? Is he not gonna want to focus on the excitement on us getting married bc he's too consumed with worry about not having a job? What if he gets a job finally but they wont let him off for our wedding/honeymoon since hes so new?! what if he instead goes back to school since he cant find a job? then he REALLY wont be able to take off a week for our wedding/honeymoon which would fall smack dap in the middle of a semester. Should i even keep planning the wedding?!? Or should i wait until i know more?!?
As u can see..my mind was spiraling...downward...fast. All i was able to focus on was the worst case scenario...and for the most part ive been so hopeful and positive, waiting patiently for wat God had in store for us...but then this fear of the unknown started taking over and i couldnt shake it. All i wanted to focus was on our wedding...but i couldnt. All i could think about was "wat does our future hold?"...but wat worried me most was that i wasnt thinkin about the future with faith that God would protect and provide...i was full of doubt. Full of fear. Fear of the unknown. So worrisome. So fearful. So focused on wat i couldnt control and wat i didnt know. So far from trusting God.
I subscribe to "the daily" from crossroads so i get daily scripture and thoughts to reflect on and as i was sitting here at my computer checkin my email i saw my new "daily" and the passage was "galatians 2:11-14" which talks about Peter giving into fear and how it that fear caused him to lead his heart away from God. After reading the passage there was a question that asked me to think about a time i was fearful and wat the consequences were of giving into that fear. Then it asked me to think of a fear affecting my life NOW, confess it to Jesus and ask him to replace that fear with peace and the belief that he would protect me and provide for me. I do *not* think it's coincidence that it was THIS night that i became so overwhelmed with this fear of maurice and his job hunt/our future only to be led out into the living room to read email since i couldnt sleep and then read this passage! Even when my prayers were weak and my words proclaimed trust in Him yet my heart yelled FEAR God heard me...and He came to me...in a simple email bringing me His word...restoring my peace.
YES...there is so much that is unknown...and i am ashamed to say that, often times, my initial reaction to that unknown is fear even when i know that i have a protector and a provider in Jesus.
Phillipeans 4:6-7 tells me not to be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard my heart and my mind in Jesus Christ.
Psalm 46 states 1 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. 2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, 3 though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. 4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. 5 God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. 7 The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. 8 Come and see the works of the LORD, the desolations he has brought on the earth. 9 He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear, he burns the shields with fire. 10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."11 The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Psalm 27 tells me "The Lord is my light and my salvation—so why should I be afraid? The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble?"
2 Timothy 1:7 tells me that God has given me a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. So, this FEAR that i am feelin is NOT him...by me allowing myself to be consumed by fear i make evident my lack of faith in Him as my protecter and provider. I have sold him short and insulted him...I, like Peter, allowed fear to rule instead of God...and where did that get me? Worried, more fearful, FAR from peaceful, and with no answers. My worries and fears will get me no where. My faith in him will bring me peace. My trust in him to rule as protecter and provider will allow him to be the GREAT GOD that he is.
Lord work on my heart and my mind. Sometimes it's so easy for me to fear the unknown and to worry about things that aren't in my control. Please renew my mind. Fill me with your peace. Open my eyes so i can see what u have laid out for maurice and i. Open my ears so i can hear you calling out to me. Open my heart and pour your peace into me. Take away this fear that does nothing but pull me farther from you. Thank you for always having a hand in my life ready to comfort me and lead me. Thank you for being a protecter and provider. Thank you for keeping me in your love and grace. I pray that you would keep maurice and i strong and rooted in you as we continue this journey. Give us patience and help us to let go of the control we desire to possess. I thank you in advance for the job opportunity you have for maurice and the plans that you have in store for us. Forgive me for my doubts. Protect my mind from doubting in the future. I want to be grounded in you so i can have the overwhelming peace that only you can give. Thank you for your living word. Thank you for hearing me. And thank you helping me simmer cuz id get no sleep at all if my mind kept racing at that pace, and now that u have filled me with calm i ask that you'd be so generous as to let me rest and sleep. Bless Maurice and fill his heart with your peace. Show him the path you have laid for him. I pray he trusts you and your plans for him...and i hope that his trust holds firm against any fears that would try to consume him. Let him know how much i love him, and help me to show him my love at all times even when im a hot mess. Thank you loving me enough to always hear my cry and answer me even when ive allowed my heart and mind to stray. Your patience and faithfulness humble me. In your son's name i pray. Amen
Friday, January 29, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
2 is better than 1
Soooooo we are 99.9% finalized on October 30, 2010 at Bellarmine Chapel! That's right! My alma mater!!! We aren't saying we're getting married at "Xavier" so to spare the tender feelings of my long-time UC fan fiance lol...but i mean really i think bellarmine is a great church for us! The first time we met was at Xavier (when he so boldy came into my dorm room to introduce himself and violate my blankie by sittin on it...how rude...haha), I obviously am an XU graduate and i absolutely loved my four years there (although thank ya Jesus May 2009 finally came around cuz as much as i loved xavier i was burnt out thanks to being a nursing major)...another reason Cincinnati in general works for us is because this is where we grew TOGETHER, it's where HE and both sides of his family are from, and Bellarmine is where i often attended mass while an undergrad. No, Bellarmine isn't the most beautiful church ull ever see and it doesnt have a very long aisle for me to make my grand entrance (petty comments i know i know...im so shallow lol) but it MEANS something to us and we are very excited to finally have a date and a church! Now we just gotta find a reception hall/venue...
As for the "engagement period"...I'm not gonna lie. Call me vain or wateva ya please but i LOVE glancing down at my left hand and seeing my beautiful ring shine back at me...it's like it's saying "Jessi! Ur soon goin to be his WIFE! And he'll be ur HUSBAND!! and im the bling to prove it!" hahaha. No but seriously...i am so excited to be on this journey and to start a new chapter in our lives. I gotta admit tho, I'm slightly scared. Now no jumpin the gun here. Lemme lay this out first and foremost I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO DOUBT IN MY MIND THAT MAURICE ANTHONY BROWN HAS BEEN PUT IN MY LIFE BY GOD TO BE MY HUSBAND, *LIFE-LONG* COMPANION, AND ETERNAL BEST FRIEND...and that doesnt scare me what-so-ever! It makes me so unbelievably full of gratitude that God would love me so much as to give me such a great gift as Maurice for me to love and grow with for the rest of our lives. What scares me is the challenges that we will indefinitely face. It should come as no or little surprise that I am a rather head-strong, independent, outspoken women who cherishes my space, time of solitude, and i often like having things done the way id do them, and when/how/why/etc id like those things to be done...even tho i can be QUITE laid back and roll w the punch i sure do have some serious type A qualities. Now the good thing about all that is dag-gone it i get stuff DONE and i do it GOOD to the fullest of my potential...i dont need help (although its appreciated) bc often times i've already completed the task before i realize that maybe i could've used some help. OR what ill do is ask for help from the get go but then get frustrated cuz the task at hand isnt completed the way I would've done it so then i end up doin it anyway. Terrible, I know. And waht makes things even WORSE is that to 95% of the general population i would never get frustrated with...id be the laid-back Jessi and id realize that not everybody does things like me (and that can be a rather good thing). So then we'd all move on and still be happy honky-dory. But not when it comes to my living arrangements. Not when it comes to my house. Not when it's the things in the place that's supposed to be my place of rest. I get rather particular when it comes to things around the house. At home I feel like i can fully unwind...kick back and feel at peace...i like things at my house to be relatively in my control bc i realize that life in general is entirely OUT of my control (yet often another rather good thing) so having some control w the flow of my house just kind of gives me peace...some sanity if you will. But what SCARES me about all this in regards to marriage is that for the rest of my life ill be sharing a house with another adult and eventually little squirts that will turn into bigger squirts who will all have opinions of their own and will all like things a certain way...my luck, they will all want things exactly opposite the way i do...so OUT THE DOOR goes any chance of me havin any control on my life hahaha. So, recently ive been havin some frequent "my way or the highway" moments with my unbelievably patient and carefree fiance. I get in these moods when I just want to sit in silence, I don't want jokes cracked every 2 seconds, I dont really even feel like having to think about somebody else's feelings and just LET LOOSE and say whatever i want, do watever i want, and just the world be Jessi's world. Having these moments is frustrating for more than one reason. #1) i get frustrated that i even get that frustrated which then just compounds the situation. My emotions tell me im frustrated, I want to be alone, I don't feel like laughin at jokes, etc but my heart and mind are sayin "Jessi...this is ridiculous. Snap out of it sister!" Then i just get more and more frustrated as i try to rationally STOP bein such a douche-bag yet i just cant seem to yet! It's a vicious circle i tell u. Vicious. And it's frustrating realizing that YES, im being a complete nut case and quite the unpleasant individual cuz thats not who i am the majority of the time. I just have episodes. And i dont like them. No i dont. I just want to be nice, happy, and love maurice and his presence every second of everyday. But God gives us emotions to feel...and feeling is a blessing...so essentially wat this means is I have to allow myself to feel while at the same time try and find wat got me all revved up to begin with so that i can get to the bottom of it, resolve it, and move on. All this requires work. And when you're frustrated the LAST THING YOU WANT TO DO is admit there's something you have to personally work on. And to be honest, that just blows when all u wanna do is act like a 4 year old throwing at temper tantrum even when u know ur ridiculous for wanting to (for clarification i do NOT allow myself to throw the tantrum publicly even in the publicity of my home. But i am most definitely wanting to internally and if u r ever around me when this turmoil is occuring inside of me u will know because my face makes it evident. I'm not a hard book to read lol).
Ok, on to #2) Now this will sound RIDICULOUS. Why? Because it is. Entirely. I tend to hold this extremely high standard for myself...even in my realization that i am not and never will be "perfect" bc i am human (which typically settles GRRRRREAT in my bones) i still think things like "i should've known better", "if only i could be more (fill in the blank)", etc etc...unfortunately i occassionally worry "what if im not the wife maurice thought he signed up for? what if im not good enough at fulfilling that role? are my thoughts of wat an ideal wife is even wat God sees as how a wife should be and wat she should do? or are my thoughts all a hot-mess thanks to societal and cultural pressures as to wat being a "good wife" entails?" In the end...after i have an internal debate regarding the topic for quite some time I usually stop. Smack myself out of it. And pray that God would help me to be the woman and wife that he intended me to be. I gotta let Him mold me (always havin to relinquish control...glory glory). So like i said from the get go, i realize that this is a RIDICULOUS worry of mine bc he loves me enough now even more than he did 2.5 years ago..and enough to want to MARRY me so apparently im doin something right! Not to mention, we women beat ourselves up enough bc we always feel like there's something more we should be doing...something wrong w us that we need to change whether physical/emotional/etc...and it's just gotta stop it really does. Challenge urself to better urself yes. Always thinkin there's something ur NOT doin or something u need to change cuz ur not good enough the way u r...NOT so hot. Dont judge me for thinkin all the "good wife" stuff tho. I'm just being real with wat i been wrestlin with.
And now #3) These "moments" of mine are further frustrating bc i truly love maurice with all my heart. He is the kindest, sweetest, most patient (continue with all of the greatest qualities an individual can possess lol) individual and he is who i love the most and unfortunately since he is truly the only individual that gets the ENTIRE JESSI PACKAGE he gets the WRATH as well. Bummer isnt it. Even when im frustrated at something no where near related to him the poor man gets the wrath. I *always* apologize for my...well...we'll call them my "unfortunate moments" ..bc i truly dont like that side of me, but MAN do i just feel like the world's worst future wife when i get in those funks. I realize that i am only human and therefore i cant be little miss perfect (which actually makes me want to gag at the thought of it anyway..the little miss perfect role isnt cute to me...at all...lol) but i keep on prayin for more patience PARTICULARLY with maurice who is the only individual i feel i can be totally open with at all times. I dont want to be a cotton headed ninny muggins. I promise, I really dont!
So whats "SCARY" about all this is the constant realization that welp...i got a lot to work on...and alot of the individual supremacy i want to have i HAVE to let go of in order to allow our marriage to grow as it should...and to me, someone who really likes that little bit of control, the thought of losing that can be scary. And the realization that REGARDLESS of how much we love each other and see eye to eye on so many things we ARE gonna have LOTS of things to work on TOGETHER...AS A TEAM...it no longer can be like the many group projects i was a part of (read: the whole group is supposed to work together to reach the final product but bc i can be so type A i just do the entire thing)...I cant make decisions on my own REGARDLESS of how RIGHT i think (read: "know" lol) i am...I cant get frustrated and then sit in seclusion for hours and then never address the issue...I am FOREVER accountable to somebody else...and EVERY decision will and SHOULD be made TOGETHER...and while a large part of me thinks thats FABO...there's still that part of me that wants things to just go my way. We are all born with some degree of personal superiority...and we all inherently selfish wanting to satisfy our needs first bc honestly its usually wat gives us the quick easy...but the quick easy isnt wats best for us. And we can grow if we only have ourselves to hold us accountable.
And THATS why im so EXCITED to marry him. I will always be challenged to grow and be better...no more sitting stagnant in MY ways, but actually learning to be constantly acting/thinking/loving for the sake of another...and the rewards of that will be beyond anything i can imagine, I'm sure of it. But the transition to get there...to really start letting go of the "ME complex" i unfortunately possess will be difficult and maybe a bit scary bc u really start seein who u are when ur challenged and pushed out of ur comfort zone..Sometimes what comes to light ya REALLY dont like...and even tho reese is my comfort zone in MANY ways, I realize he will also be God's way of pushing me OUT of the same comfort zone. And i realize that while im prolly not gona like seein my "unfortunate moments" come to light and itll seem scary in the process of changing a lifetime of possessing those hidden secrets, I know that once those things are brought to light ill actually be able to SEE them for wat they are...and then change them. God and i know it's all for my good. And God knows im a wee bit apprehensive about that aspect of marriage...but im in it to win it!! The sacrifices will eventually seem so little for what will be given. And at the same time of bein a bit scared, im so *EXCITED* to see how I, personally, and US as a married team grow. Growth that I'd never see without my mister challenging me and supporting me the whole way. As much as i hate to admit sometimes...2 is most definitely better than 1.
As for the "engagement period"...I'm not gonna lie. Call me vain or wateva ya please but i LOVE glancing down at my left hand and seeing my beautiful ring shine back at me...it's like it's saying "Jessi! Ur soon goin to be his WIFE! And he'll be ur HUSBAND!! and im the bling to prove it!" hahaha. No but seriously...i am so excited to be on this journey and to start a new chapter in our lives. I gotta admit tho, I'm slightly scared. Now no jumpin the gun here. Lemme lay this out first and foremost I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO DOUBT IN MY MIND THAT MAURICE ANTHONY BROWN HAS BEEN PUT IN MY LIFE BY GOD TO BE MY HUSBAND, *LIFE-LONG* COMPANION, AND ETERNAL BEST FRIEND...and that doesnt scare me what-so-ever! It makes me so unbelievably full of gratitude that God would love me so much as to give me such a great gift as Maurice for me to love and grow with for the rest of our lives. What scares me is the challenges that we will indefinitely face. It should come as no or little surprise that I am a rather head-strong, independent, outspoken women who cherishes my space, time of solitude, and i often like having things done the way id do them, and when/how/why/etc id like those things to be done...even tho i can be QUITE laid back and roll w the punch i sure do have some serious type A qualities. Now the good thing about all that is dag-gone it i get stuff DONE and i do it GOOD to the fullest of my potential...i dont need help (although its appreciated) bc often times i've already completed the task before i realize that maybe i could've used some help. OR what ill do is ask for help from the get go but then get frustrated cuz the task at hand isnt completed the way I would've done it so then i end up doin it anyway. Terrible, I know. And waht makes things even WORSE is that to 95% of the general population i would never get frustrated with...id be the laid-back Jessi and id realize that not everybody does things like me (and that can be a rather good thing). So then we'd all move on and still be happy honky-dory. But not when it comes to my living arrangements. Not when it comes to my house. Not when it's the things in the place that's supposed to be my place of rest. I get rather particular when it comes to things around the house. At home I feel like i can fully unwind...kick back and feel at peace...i like things at my house to be relatively in my control bc i realize that life in general is entirely OUT of my control (yet often another rather good thing) so having some control w the flow of my house just kind of gives me peace...some sanity if you will. But what SCARES me about all this in regards to marriage is that for the rest of my life ill be sharing a house with another adult and eventually little squirts that will turn into bigger squirts who will all have opinions of their own and will all like things a certain way...my luck, they will all want things exactly opposite the way i do...so OUT THE DOOR goes any chance of me havin any control on my life hahaha. So, recently ive been havin some frequent "my way or the highway" moments with my unbelievably patient and carefree fiance. I get in these moods when I just want to sit in silence, I don't want jokes cracked every 2 seconds, I dont really even feel like having to think about somebody else's feelings and just LET LOOSE and say whatever i want, do watever i want, and just the world be Jessi's world. Having these moments is frustrating for more than one reason. #1) i get frustrated that i even get that frustrated which then just compounds the situation. My emotions tell me im frustrated, I want to be alone, I don't feel like laughin at jokes, etc but my heart and mind are sayin "Jessi...this is ridiculous. Snap out of it sister!" Then i just get more and more frustrated as i try to rationally STOP bein such a douche-bag yet i just cant seem to yet! It's a vicious circle i tell u. Vicious. And it's frustrating realizing that YES, im being a complete nut case and quite the unpleasant individual cuz thats not who i am the majority of the time. I just have episodes. And i dont like them. No i dont. I just want to be nice, happy, and love maurice and his presence every second of everyday. But God gives us emotions to feel...and feeling is a blessing...so essentially wat this means is I have to allow myself to feel while at the same time try and find wat got me all revved up to begin with so that i can get to the bottom of it, resolve it, and move on. All this requires work. And when you're frustrated the LAST THING YOU WANT TO DO is admit there's something you have to personally work on. And to be honest, that just blows when all u wanna do is act like a 4 year old throwing at temper tantrum even when u know ur ridiculous for wanting to (for clarification i do NOT allow myself to throw the tantrum publicly even in the publicity of my home. But i am most definitely wanting to internally and if u r ever around me when this turmoil is occuring inside of me u will know because my face makes it evident. I'm not a hard book to read lol).
Ok, on to #2) Now this will sound RIDICULOUS. Why? Because it is. Entirely. I tend to hold this extremely high standard for myself...even in my realization that i am not and never will be "perfect" bc i am human (which typically settles GRRRRREAT in my bones) i still think things like "i should've known better", "if only i could be more (fill in the blank)", etc etc...unfortunately i occassionally worry "what if im not the wife maurice thought he signed up for? what if im not good enough at fulfilling that role? are my thoughts of wat an ideal wife is even wat God sees as how a wife should be and wat she should do? or are my thoughts all a hot-mess thanks to societal and cultural pressures as to wat being a "good wife" entails?" In the end...after i have an internal debate regarding the topic for quite some time I usually stop. Smack myself out of it. And pray that God would help me to be the woman and wife that he intended me to be. I gotta let Him mold me (always havin to relinquish control...glory glory). So like i said from the get go, i realize that this is a RIDICULOUS worry of mine bc he loves me enough now even more than he did 2.5 years ago..and enough to want to MARRY me so apparently im doin something right! Not to mention, we women beat ourselves up enough bc we always feel like there's something more we should be doing...something wrong w us that we need to change whether physical/emotional/etc...and it's just gotta stop it really does. Challenge urself to better urself yes. Always thinkin there's something ur NOT doin or something u need to change cuz ur not good enough the way u r...NOT so hot. Dont judge me for thinkin all the "good wife" stuff tho. I'm just being real with wat i been wrestlin with.
And now #3) These "moments" of mine are further frustrating bc i truly love maurice with all my heart. He is the kindest, sweetest, most patient (continue with all of the greatest qualities an individual can possess lol) individual and he is who i love the most and unfortunately since he is truly the only individual that gets the ENTIRE JESSI PACKAGE he gets the WRATH as well. Bummer isnt it. Even when im frustrated at something no where near related to him the poor man gets the wrath. I *always* apologize for my...well...we'll call them my "unfortunate moments" ..bc i truly dont like that side of me, but MAN do i just feel like the world's worst future wife when i get in those funks. I realize that i am only human and therefore i cant be little miss perfect (which actually makes me want to gag at the thought of it anyway..the little miss perfect role isnt cute to me...at all...lol) but i keep on prayin for more patience PARTICULARLY with maurice who is the only individual i feel i can be totally open with at all times. I dont want to be a cotton headed ninny muggins. I promise, I really dont!
So whats "SCARY" about all this is the constant realization that welp...i got a lot to work on...and alot of the individual supremacy i want to have i HAVE to let go of in order to allow our marriage to grow as it should...and to me, someone who really likes that little bit of control, the thought of losing that can be scary. And the realization that REGARDLESS of how much we love each other and see eye to eye on so many things we ARE gonna have LOTS of things to work on TOGETHER...AS A TEAM...it no longer can be like the many group projects i was a part of (read: the whole group is supposed to work together to reach the final product but bc i can be so type A i just do the entire thing)...I cant make decisions on my own REGARDLESS of how RIGHT i think (read: "know" lol) i am...I cant get frustrated and then sit in seclusion for hours and then never address the issue...I am FOREVER accountable to somebody else...and EVERY decision will and SHOULD be made TOGETHER...and while a large part of me thinks thats FABO...there's still that part of me that wants things to just go my way. We are all born with some degree of personal superiority...and we all inherently selfish wanting to satisfy our needs first bc honestly its usually wat gives us the quick easy...but the quick easy isnt wats best for us. And we can grow if we only have ourselves to hold us accountable.
And THATS why im so EXCITED to marry him. I will always be challenged to grow and be better...no more sitting stagnant in MY ways, but actually learning to be constantly acting/thinking/loving for the sake of another...and the rewards of that will be beyond anything i can imagine, I'm sure of it. But the transition to get there...to really start letting go of the "ME complex" i unfortunately possess will be difficult and maybe a bit scary bc u really start seein who u are when ur challenged and pushed out of ur comfort zone..Sometimes what comes to light ya REALLY dont like...and even tho reese is my comfort zone in MANY ways, I realize he will also be God's way of pushing me OUT of the same comfort zone. And i realize that while im prolly not gona like seein my "unfortunate moments" come to light and itll seem scary in the process of changing a lifetime of possessing those hidden secrets, I know that once those things are brought to light ill actually be able to SEE them for wat they are...and then change them. God and i know it's all for my good. And God knows im a wee bit apprehensive about that aspect of marriage...but im in it to win it!! The sacrifices will eventually seem so little for what will be given. And at the same time of bein a bit scared, im so *EXCITED* to see how I, personally, and US as a married team grow. Growth that I'd never see without my mister challenging me and supporting me the whole way. As much as i hate to admit sometimes...2 is most definitely better than 1.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
*Pics from the Proposal*
I have some pretty darn awesome photographer friends ...ok so maybe they aren't actual photographers but they captured some GREAT pics from one of the most special days of my life and I'm so very grateful! I'm also grateful my super fabo fiancee had my friends there at the proposal so that pics could be takin to capture the moment! Or i suppose the "immediately after" moment lol. Documentation of emerging from the basement below:
*MY MAID (technically "matron" lol) OF HONOR* Love her!
I should be a hand model. Dont hate. ps. Candycane nails=awesome! hahaha
Cheesin TOO hard..lovin the looks of my ring finger :)
CANT WAIT TO HAVE THE WEDDING BAND CUZ THATLL MEAN WE ARE MARRIED! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!
Monday, January 11, 2010
The hunt continues
This whole wedding planning business is crazy! I saw how on wedding shows on TV were really expensive but i just figured thats bc these people were doin all this extra stuff and while alot of them were WEDDINGS ARE STINKIN EXPENSIVE!! With both Reese and my families + closest friends we are lookin at around 240 people and im tellin ya...these prices im gettin from people are CRAZY!!! Too dag-gone expensive...even churches are expensive! Granted we are looking at downtown cathedrals but $1000 just for the rental fee?!?! SERIOUSLY?!?!? Exploitation much?? I'm just tryna marry my mister not go BANKRUPT! GEESH!
And then searching for reception venues has been quite the doosy, too! I feel like I want to narrow my list down to just a handful before i go actually look at the venues bc i dont want 1000 stops at different venues to pick one! I want it to look nice and all but the main thing i want is for people to have FUN!! I really like the idea of the reception at a hotel so i wont have to worry about people driving drunk (i have no tolerance for it), but every place ive tried callin so far their wedding coordinators are unavailable at that given time...figures...lol.
I just cant wait to finally have the ceremony and venue booked and the date set and OFFICIAL!!! That would make me vewy vewy happy....yes it would. lol. Anyhoots...for now the hunt for the ceremony/venue site continues...and thus so does the hunt for a date...hopefully this hunt ends soon so i can get on the funner part of planning! Yes...i said FUNNER and i dont intend of correcting that...thank you...and if people even read this blog and happen to have any wedding ceremony/reception sites to recommend here in indy or even in cincinnati let a sistah know!!! Take care now...byebye then!
And then searching for reception venues has been quite the doosy, too! I feel like I want to narrow my list down to just a handful before i go actually look at the venues bc i dont want 1000 stops at different venues to pick one! I want it to look nice and all but the main thing i want is for people to have FUN!! I really like the idea of the reception at a hotel so i wont have to worry about people driving drunk (i have no tolerance for it), but every place ive tried callin so far their wedding coordinators are unavailable at that given time...figures...lol.
I just cant wait to finally have the ceremony and venue booked and the date set and OFFICIAL!!! That would make me vewy vewy happy....yes it would. lol. Anyhoots...for now the hunt for the ceremony/venue site continues...and thus so does the hunt for a date...hopefully this hunt ends soon so i can get on the funner part of planning! Yes...i said FUNNER and i dont intend of correcting that...thank you...and if people even read this blog and happen to have any wedding ceremony/reception sites to recommend here in indy or even in cincinnati let a sistah know!!! Take care now...byebye then!
Monday, January 4, 2010
I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!! TORTURE!!!!
I can't do it...I can't wait. Feb 5, 2011 is the *probable* (NOT definite) wedding date. We've been talking wedding talk for a long time being that we knew we'd be getting married for almost 2.5 years now and we always envisioned a winter or fall wedding...but mostly a winter wedding. It just sounds so classy, warm, beautiful...and we just picture ourselves getting married in the late fall or winter. BUT I CANT WAIT UNTIL FEB 5 2011!! It sounded great at first. February is a romantic month in general...itll be cold outside but nice and cozy inside at our wedding with all our loved ones. It'll be cheaper than standard May-October weddings since it's considered an "off-season month"...but i just wanna marry him :( I want him to be my husband. I want to be his wife. We have God centered at our relationship and our lives but I want it to be "official". I want to be MARRIED to my best friend, the one I'll spend the rest of life's journey with, the one God put in my life to push me to limits i never thought i could reach and to give me the greatest gift anyone could ever ask for, his love. Yea i know it sounds a little mushy...little corny...cliche maybe too...but i mean it i really really do. I have felt so ALIVE ever since he came into my life...being loved by him is hands down the greatest gift God has given me (other than God's love itself! haha). And being able to love him back is so rewarding...really let myself simply be me...and love unconditionally without any worry or doubt of my outpouring being abused, betrayed, unappreciated... Since I've let God pour into me I've seen blessings after blessings unfold...and i truly believe Reese is one of them...God sent me someone who would love me just as He loves me...it's like I have God's love in tangible form via Reese! lol. Seriously tho!!
And I just feel so brand new since ive set my heart on God and since Ive finally let myself fully love another...These past 2.5 years have made my heart grow 10 to the 10th power in size I just know it!! hahahaha...and im just so full and alive with him that its hard waiting another to be joined as man and wife!! I'm so ready for that next chapter in our journey...He's been my husband for over 2 years in my heart and spirit...but im ready for it to be official...I want the union, I want the last name to be shared with him, I want it all...
I understand weddings take time to plan especially when ya got big families on both sides, but more than ever all of that seems so minute to me...I just want to be his wife. The "dream wedding" would be great and all but whether its beautiful, well planned, etc or NOT...in the end we'd still be MAN AND WIFE and THATS wat is most important to me...
The fiancee (still sounds weird to me hahaha) REALLY likes the date feb 5, 2011 but he wants to be married sooner, too...hes more patient than me tho...he's willing to look into earlier dates but i really think his heart is set on feb 5...we will see tho...dec 4 2010 is still in the running, too...i really could go for september or october tho...LOVE the idea of winter wedding...but i LOVE the thought of being married to him even more...so we'll see...until then...please pray with me for my patience...and for wisdom...am i being too hasty? or is this God's push in me??
Oh Lord grant me your peace...rest this heart and mind of mine...and make wat YOU want to happen, happen...you know so much better than I (good thing!)...i thank you for giving me love on earth TWICE in my life thru ur son and thru maurice...and in my family and close friends, too...uve just been so good to me...thank you God for your goodness...now if you could rest this heart and mind of mine id be much appreciative :) and id really love a sooner wedding date, too soooo if u could make that happen AWESOME...unless ur plans r different then please just help me to follow u and not myself... you are loved and adored...Love, ur daughter Jessi
And I just feel so brand new since ive set my heart on God and since Ive finally let myself fully love another...These past 2.5 years have made my heart grow 10 to the 10th power in size I just know it!! hahahaha...and im just so full and alive with him that its hard waiting another to be joined as man and wife!! I'm so ready for that next chapter in our journey...He's been my husband for over 2 years in my heart and spirit...but im ready for it to be official...I want the union, I want the last name to be shared with him, I want it all...
I understand weddings take time to plan especially when ya got big families on both sides, but more than ever all of that seems so minute to me...I just want to be his wife. The "dream wedding" would be great and all but whether its beautiful, well planned, etc or NOT...in the end we'd still be MAN AND WIFE and THATS wat is most important to me...
The fiancee (still sounds weird to me hahaha) REALLY likes the date feb 5, 2011 but he wants to be married sooner, too...hes more patient than me tho...he's willing to look into earlier dates but i really think his heart is set on feb 5...we will see tho...dec 4 2010 is still in the running, too...i really could go for september or october tho...LOVE the idea of winter wedding...but i LOVE the thought of being married to him even more...so we'll see...until then...please pray with me for my patience...and for wisdom...am i being too hasty? or is this God's push in me??
Oh Lord grant me your peace...rest this heart and mind of mine...and make wat YOU want to happen, happen...you know so much better than I (good thing!)...i thank you for giving me love on earth TWICE in my life thru ur son and thru maurice...and in my family and close friends, too...uve just been so good to me...thank you God for your goodness...now if you could rest this heart and mind of mine id be much appreciative :) and id really love a sooner wedding date, too soooo if u could make that happen AWESOME...unless ur plans r different then please just help me to follow u and not myself... you are loved and adored...Love, ur daughter Jessi
Friday, January 1, 2010
**Happy New Year**
Just wanted to have a blog with the date "January 1, 2010" sooooooo now i can go. This year let's all focus on loving more!!! And eating delicious breakfasts such as bacon and eggs (a classic)...im gonna go do that right now!!! Buttery biscuit. Add gravy. Love to all!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
