So far in the NICU everyone has been pleasant..and rather nice. Haven't met an "eat your young" type of nurse yet...but there is an obvious difference in atmosphere when reminiscing on my clownin days at children's..Naturally, I crack up at about...well...everything. I picture things in my mind and somehow make them into this ridiculously obsurd extension of what it really is and then will literally start laughing out loud to myself. It got me in trouble back in the school days...lol.
In the CICU i had enough goofy people to clown w on the regular so never did i feel bottled up with all of my own self-made funnies...in the NICU i just keep getting the urge to make the babies dance w me (obviously the ones who r stable enough...come on now i know my lines and do not cross them lol) or make up songs for the babies but then i just look REALLY STUPID (more than usual) bc i have no one to share in the fun w me other than with the newborn who either a) don't open their eyes much or b) can open their eyes but just stare back at me blankly like "seriously lady?"
I'm hoping that it's just cuz the people take a bit longer to open/loosen up bc not sure if they got the memo but we are there for 12.5 hours..12.5 FOLKS...so I'm gona need for us to find that lovely balance between work and having fun doing wat u do! Or maybe they are having fun...and the kind of free-spirited, lively, goofy fun i love is just not their kind of fun. Which is totally fine...obviously we are all made different. But that leaves little ole jessi bottled up w the burning desire to make a baby do the chicken dance only to hesitate bc she'd run the risk of exile and transport str8 to the psych floor..well...atleast that's how i feel. lol. I dramatize occasionally :)
In all seriousness tho i think i just miss my crew at children's...my goofy spirit was able to flouish there amongst the other loonies that surrounded me. And i think i had more people "like" me in the sense of socializing...outgoing...fun-loving..always lookin for a laugh...and awesome (awesome only pertaining to me tho of course hahahaha jk jk jk)....Not to mention the CICU was a louder, faster paced environment so being loud and large spirited was kind of a given...i fit in rather well in that environment lol
I'm still thinkin positive tho...and im still GRATEFUL cuz i def work with nice people so maybe im being greedy for not just bein happy w that. Plus, there's always something to learn from others...esp those who r different than u so the contrast could very well be a good thing...maybe ill realize ive been too loud and rambunctious all these years. In fact, my friends and i WERE told at camp in the 6th grade that we were, and i quote, "too happy" lol ....I dunno tho...dont think there's much harm in hoping for the ability to say u love the people u work with, u enjoy goin into work bc of the crew u get to work alongside, n u actually have FUN at work bc of that crew...i honestly think it's extremely important to have that bc when ur day is super stressful and ur kid isn't doin so well its nice to have the support and the pick-me up from a friend who's rt there and can relate...
Attitude is everything so im stayin positive...lookin for the best in the NICU and the lovely people ive met so far...prayin God would use me here in the way He needs me to...and hoping i keep the "lines of communication open" so i can actually receive wat He has to say and do wat He wants me to do...
In the mean time...ill continue in the life as a newbie...and my search for a clowning buddy will continue haha...just give me one and ill make my schedule identical to theirs hahahha..once again...i dramatize things sometimes lol..anyhoots...
FORWAAAAAAARD MARCH!!
ps. shout outs to my cicu clownin buddies...the laughter u produced is greatly missed...
