Rx'd

So today was both rewarding and frustrating all at the same time . I've been trying to push myself with weight for the WODs bc I badly need to get stronger...never really pushed myself w lifting weights before ...id only lift what was comfortable (which w my weakling self isn't much weight lol). Now I'm really trying to build up my strength and BOY am I paying for it! Today I really wanted to push myself w the prescribed workout since it was weighted (i do fine w rx'd when its bodyweight but ADD weight and that's a whole different story!). It was 75# hang power cleans (10 reps), 15 hands off push ups, then 20 double unders..all if that for 7 rounds ...I can murder some double unders but that was really the only thing going for me ...I usually do modified push ups but today I was determined to push myself and do it all rx'd . Well...I DID IT! :) but it took me 25minutes ...and that's 10 minutes behind some people...about 5 minutes behind most ...not sure if everyone else was doing rx'd tho...but regardless its hard knowing ur the last one to finish. I was so physically exhausted at the end of my 25minutes and then I was battling my pride that I came in last so I simply felt blah afterwards. Reese was so supportive and proud of me for sticking thru the work out ...I just was just having a harder time being proud of myself...YES I realize I've only been doin this for almost 2 months and YES I realize I DID complete it rx'd which many people (particularly females cuz our beautiful bodies r just built different then the Hercules men) don't within 2 months but I still just felt down that it took me so long. I need to b more positive like Reese is to me...its easier for him to b positive tho cuz he's flipping strong as all get out and isn't the last person struggling to finish lol ...but he's usually better at staying positive and uplifting than me...I can b positive and uplifting to everyone else but myself ...I am def my worst critic ...which is a dag-gone shame...I hate when I set ridiculous expectations for myself ...expectations can b the root of a lot of evil ...relationships r better when u don't set unnecessary expectations and just accept and love them for who they are and we are able to love ourselves more when we stop setting unfair expectations. I'm aware of all of this. Just got to pray my mind will actually b transformed so I can think and live this reality out. For the record, I'm getting more and more proud of myself for todays workout ...my muscles r extremely fatigued and to me that's reassurance that I DID indeed push myself to my personal limits and I stuck with it...and for that I give myself a pat on my back (which is difficult to do cuz I'm flippin sore lol) . Gota start being more positive and easier on myself and focus on my personal improvements and quit comparing myself to others and getting down on myself ...unnecessary and wasted energy indeed. So here's to a weighted rx'd workout completed in 25 minutes and the determination to b easier on myself and support myself just as I always support others :)