God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

the courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference

2 Words

Baby. Fever.

Oh my lordy have i been having baby fever!! And for a while now! Sometimes are worse than others...like somedays i actually get kinda of nervous and/or intimidated bc my mind likes to wander from me and unfortunately doubt enters my mind more than id like (good thing is i got my homeboy Jesus on my side to get rid of those thoughts when they try and pop up!! lol)...its really stupid stuff that i "fear" too......like what if i turn into a "mommy only" kinda of mom and forget to just be me and then suddenly hav a crazy weirdo breakdown?...what if my kids think im supposed to be superhuman and then i let them down?...or (brace yourselves...this fear is AWESOME) what if our kids dont like me and they only like their dad??? BAHAHAHA! im not lying when i say i actually THINK these things...and i realize its hilarious especially when verbalized...but this is just a small sliver of the unfortunate side of my mind.

Anyhoots! Aside from all of that stuff I am SUUUUUUPER excited for little ones!! I think Reese and I will do a really great job as parents and I hope one day we can look at what we have helped mold and raise and pat ourselves on the back knowing the world that will continue on when we're gone will be better off because of the genuinely GOOD people we've left behind. I don't mind of they make mistakes along they way (bc they indefinitely will- good ole free will-...i hope they arent MAJOR mistakes but if they r i hope they will be better for it)....i just hope they have christ-like hearts, they put God above all, they do good by others regardless of how others do by them, they know and live love, they can admit their mistakes and flaws and then keep on walking, and they can love themselves for who they are and love others for who they are...

Reese and I were laying on the hammock yesterday and i just looked at him and took so much pride that he would be the father of my babies...i started to hope that our little boys would grow up just like their daddy...i hoped our girls boyfriends/husbands would treat them just like their daddy treats their mommy...i got so excited at the fact that reese and my love could be so powerful that it could bring a little one into this world....a little product of our love to hold :) just so flippin awesome i love it!

i got a lot of people (married people with kids) that tell me that "everything changes" when kids come into the picture and "wait for a while before u have kids so u can enjoy ur time together"...i can understand how things will be different...wont have alone time whenever we want....wont have "free time"...will always be having to cater to the kids...blah-zay-blah...YES i can see that life might be a little bit more stressful...little less go with the flow and spontaneous...but what about all the JOYS that come with little ones? cant kids bring a marriage together bc ur communication has to be ON POINT...wouldnt ur love grow everytime u looked at the product of ur love? not to mention we'll have an excuse to do all the fun "kid" activities that we love doing but we look kinda ridiculous doing it together as adults without kids lol...and we've already determined that we are going to live close to family/friends that can watch our kids bc our MARRIAGE COMES FIRST...yes we will love our kids like crazy and bc we love them so much well be talkin about em all the time even when we rnt around them but we gotta have TIME TO OURSELVES....ATLEAST one date night a month...we r shooting for 2 though...and im definitely gona have barnes and nobles days (without kids) to regain sanity and have some silence so just drop the kids off at the parentals or a friends house for an hour or two, get some jessi time, then come back... i realize this isnt the reality for many people bc they dont live by family and have to pay for and find babysitters or their family is too busy bc they have a life of their own as well...but ive already recruited a team of family/friend babysitters and im holding them to it!! haha

anyhoots...kids are blessings...and i just cant wait for reese and to share in that...and im not gona lie i love preggo bellies so i cant wait to have a one again :) minus the super swollen feet and pre-eclampsia tho hahaha...this time around (whenever that time is) is gona be MUCH different lol and im already excited for it...

for now ill keep on loving the family of 3 (reese, me, and berfie- our cat- ) and ill cherish the spontaneity we have now and the slow relaxing lounge around days that we're able to share!