Venting session starring "Sorry, but the weather is too bad"

bitter and having pity on nobody...i realize i chose a profession that requires me to be at work REGARDLESS of holidays/weekends/bad weather but DANG...i get a day off so i schedule the chimney guy to come and fix our chimney so we can have a fire goin but NOPE.."the weather is too bad"...i get up at 430am to be at work by 7 and then work 12.5 hours and then STAY the night at work in order to do wat needs to be done DESPITE the weather...GET UR HINEY OVER HERE AND CLEAN MY CHIMNEY!! I WANT A FIRE GOIN!!! lol..ive been havin quite a few vent sessions recently lol ...to be clear for those who dont REALLY know me...no i wouldnt really expect him to be here...i dont want him to risk gettin stuck or in an accident...im just venting and in a bitter mood cuz i dont get the luxury to "just not make it" cuz "the weather is just too bad" ....this is a fully funded pity party im allowing myself to throw. ill be over it shortly. and ill just spend my little pity party session sitting next to a fireplace that is getting no action haha... ps. despite my bitterness, i hope people r able to stay at home safe and sound and warm with loved ones...no need to go out if u dont have too (although im probably still goin to bed bath and beyond...but thats cuz im a G...bahahahah...SIKE! for real tho i am considering still goin out...its only like a half mile away...ill re-evaluate after a nice warm shower)....i feel better after venting now. Now i want to eat. mmmmmmmm food :) ps. thankful for all those nurses, firefighters, police officers, doctors, etc who all had to make it into work today to do what u do for others....prayin for safe travels

So today we attended a service at a church we haven't been to before ..East 91st ...its been really hard for us bc everytime we go to another church we expect to get Crossroads and obviously never get it bc crossroads is in Cincinnati sooooo yea lol. We've been more honest w ourselves recently tho ...holding into the fact that NO we r not going to find another church like crossroads here in indy but rt CAN hear gods word, worship, and grow in our faith without crossroads ...(we just wish we could b doing all of that ay crossroads lol...I know I know...give it up right?) Anyhoots ...really enjoyed the service and atmosphere ...plan on going again and we are really going to start putting god first FOR REAL by deliberately setting aside "god time" everyday , praying together (still something we r getting used to doing outloud ) , and really stepping out to learn more about His character and teachings and then applying that to our lives ...instead of just praying for god to essentially do everything. Even tho hr can, its our responsibility to be actively seeking and learning. So looking forward to faith growth individually and as a couple :)

Today at CF I took it easy cuz I'm not feeling very well. It's open gym so I just work on butterfly pull-ups , then did some front squatting, push presses, and overheard squats . I can now do 5 butterfly pull-ups in a row but then I for some reason get all confused and my rhythm messes up. The muscles u use for butterfly pull-ups are diff then reg pull-ups too so I'm getting used to that as well . I've been working really hard at my form while lifting too . I am concentrating more on form than weight for now so that eventually ill b able to lift big girl weights and not risk hurting myself. It's all a process..and I'm trying not to be overzealous  and jump for weights I shouldnt b goin for right now. Trying hard to b patient and work my way up methodically. Proud of my butterflies tho....apparently I'm good at the skill work (minus muscle ups...let's be honest now lol) but need a lot of work w weights and strength training.

Reese is doing the 90 day paleo challenge our gym is putting on starting tomorrow and I'm going to keep a food log and eat paleo w him but I'm not doing the actual challenge ...at first I just figured why do the challenge cuz I def won't win cuz I don't have weight to lose and I'd have to b wonder woman to win by increasingy strength so I just figure I'd do it on my own ...I'm kinda thinking I should've done it anyway but its all good ...there's always next time if it becomes that deep.

Lookin forward to getting stronger and being healthier overall eating paleo in company w Crossfit tho ..there's no room for anything but improvement ...hopefully improvement of my current state of BLAH too cuz I'm not feeling this cold business ...ok...night time it is...

Rx'd

So today was both rewarding and frustrating all at the same time . I've been trying to push myself with weight for the WODs bc I badly need to get stronger...never really pushed myself w lifting weights before ...id only lift what was comfortable (which w my weakling self isn't much weight lol). Now I'm really trying to build up my strength and BOY am I paying for it! Today I really wanted to push myself w the prescribed workout since it was weighted (i do fine w rx'd when its bodyweight but ADD weight and that's a whole different story!). It was 75# hang power cleans (10 reps), 15 hands off push ups, then 20 double unders..all if that for 7 rounds ...I can murder some double unders but that was really the only thing going for me ...I usually do modified push ups but today I was determined to push myself and do it all rx'd . Well...I DID IT! :) but it took me 25minutes ...and that's 10 minutes behind some people...about 5 minutes behind most ...not sure if everyone else was doing rx'd tho...but regardless its hard knowing ur the last one to finish. I was so physically exhausted at the end of my 25minutes and then I was battling my pride that I came in last so I simply felt blah afterwards. Reese was so supportive and proud of me for sticking thru the work out ...I just was just having a harder time being proud of myself...YES I realize I've only been doin this for almost 2 months and YES I realize I DID complete it rx'd which many people (particularly females cuz our beautiful bodies r just built different then the Hercules men) don't within 2 months but I still just felt down that it took me so long. I need to b more positive like Reese is to me...its easier for him to b positive tho cuz he's flipping strong as all get out and isn't the last person struggling to finish lol ...but he's usually better at staying positive and uplifting than me...I can b positive and uplifting to everyone else but myself ...I am def my worst critic ...which is a dag-gone shame...I hate when I set ridiculous expectations for myself ...expectations can b the root of a lot of evil ...relationships r better when u don't set unnecessary expectations and just accept and love them for who they are and we are able to love ourselves more when we stop setting unfair expectations. I'm aware of all of this. Just got to pray my mind will actually b transformed so I can think and live this reality out. For the record, I'm getting more and more proud of myself for todays workout ...my muscles r extremely fatigued and to me that's reassurance that I DID indeed push myself to my personal limits and I stuck with it...and for that I give myself a pat on my back (which is difficult to do cuz I'm flippin sore lol) . Gota start being more positive and easier on myself and focus on my personal improvements and quit comparing myself to others and getting down on myself ...unnecessary and wasted energy indeed. So here's to a weighted rx'd workout completed in 25 minutes and the determination to b easier on myself and support myself just as I always support others :)

Hearing aides are in my husbands future

So husbondo and I had to drive separate to CF today and right now we r both sitting in our own cars, windows closed, and I can hear his music PERFECTLY ...at this rate he's gona lose his hearing by 50 ...sheesh! Or knowing my luck ill end up w the hearing aides from "second hand hearing loss" lol.

Christmas 2010

Merry Christmas! Such a great day this is...a day for family, a day of rest, a day of remembering God's love for us, and a day of giving. The hub-o and I essentially just stayed home and hung out ...my parents and ernesto are home too so it's just been a day of jammies, music, presents, food, movies, decorating cookies, and just hangin. We had my mom's Christmas tradition breakfast of eggs benedict (BANGING...per the usual) and like 1 ish cuz we all slept forever lol. Well...actually i woke up at 7am to reese's alarm ...only to find him not in the room but sitting on the couch with berfie sitting in his lap. She has been having some issues recently and apparently was meowing alot this morning and woke him up needing some love. I started to get worried about her meowing, frequent "down there" cleansing and the repeated trips to the litter box only to yield little urine output so i called the vet. I felt TERRIBLE, but when i goggled UTIs in cats it said they could be DEADLY if left untreated so i got extra nervous and had to call the vet who was on call. I started the convo with a "Merry Christmas...i apologize for calling you this early on christmas but i need to know if my cat needs treatment"...the vet was very nice and we eventually got off the phone w directions for me to continue to monitor her urine output and general daily activities (is she still eating/drinking/acting "normal" for the most part) so didnt have to take her in but i ended up staying up with abby and the hubs til about 9 till i took my hiney back to bed while reese took over parental observation of our little fur ball. Reese came in the room at about 10 to wake me up so i didnt sleep in too much, but then his ass fell asleep with me so we didnt get up till 11 ish hahaha...i couldve slept ALL day i promise. The 16 hour shift + abby having a rough night that same night + Cincinnati day trip the following day REALLY wore me out. My bed is so ridiculously dependent on sleep...routine sleep...and AT MINIMUM 7 hours...8-10 hrs is preferred tho. Yea yea yea i know "what r u gona do when u have kids" ...well ill figure that out when we get there lol.

So after we woke up it was just hang out time upstairs...mom cooked her eggs benedict, i woke ernesto up, we all ate, and then headed over to the tree to divie up the gifts. I got my FAVE perfume "origins Ginger Essence" which is fab cuz its really the only scent ill wear everyday...simple, not too strong, earthy, delicious, i love it. Reese's aunt patty bought it for me last year for christmas ( i knew nothing about this delicious scent prior to her exposing it to me) and ive been hooked ever since. I love it so much ill give myself a quick spritz before i go to bed cuz it soothes me..LOVE. IT.

Other gifts were movies (GEEKED about Despicable Me), clothes, boots, the classic and amazing stocking stuffers (including a hedgehog popping out of the top of my stocking...we r totally normal around here lol), gift card for mani/pedi (yea baby), wall art of the tree of life (so beautiful), some books about the zone diet (reese and i are trying this new diet...alot of crossfitters/athletes/people who really care about their health follow this diet), and a coupon for a hot date with my hubby :) We did an in-town get away recently and i loved it so much, so this was a coupon for another! But ya know...maybe we'll switch it up and do our date night get away in Cincinnati in one of the hotels on the river :)

After gift giving/opening we brought the gingerbread cookies downstairs with mom's homemade frosting and decorated the little boogers while watching X-Men Origins: Wolverine. While reese and i were shopping for our fam we fell upon the x-men trilogy and OBVIOUSLY couldnt resist! So we watched Wolverine while sipping on Moscato and decorating gingerbread cookies. Mom and ernesto kept talking during the movie and then wanted to ask what just happened...UNCOOL folks...UNCOOL. I guess ill still love em tho lol. Now its the Lakers vs Miami game while i blog, and reese splits his time between playing Call of Duty and reading our "first 90 days of marriage" book that our friends debbie and josh got us for the wedding. It's ligitmately a great book! Real, down to earth, not cheesy, and great principles for a strong marriage foundation. Mom's upstairs beasting it cooking filet mignon for din din...shes monster a swear (which is a compliment)...i aspire to cook like her one day. For some reason its just hard for me to cook when im here at the house...maybe its cuz i just feel like when ur here mom cooks...i means she loves to do it, shes amazing at it, and usually when u try to help out she ends up taking over (lovingly lol) so i just kind of watch instead haha. I can relate tho...once u do something a certain way for so long its hard to watch and let somebody else do it another way...especially in YOUR house haha. So i cant hate lol. My help comes at clean up time. And eventually ill become a better cook...just all takes time and practice...I feel like once reese and i move out of the parental's basement that we've turned into an apt I will take charge more and really start getting in the groove of cooking.

Anyhoots...back to Christmas before i go in-depth on a whole new subject lol. We will eat dinner here in a bit and then plan on watching Despicable Me while eating popcorn and snuggling. Awesome. lol.

Other key parts of this christmas season:

Last Saturday I went nuts attempting to shop at the mall with the mass crowds and numerous ill mannered individuals. I felt rather scrooge like. And it made me sad. But yesterday all the TRUE Christmas spirit really set in ...starting with getting off work at 11am versus 730pm! Early Christmas present indeed!

On the 22nd we headed down to Cincinnati for a day with family and friends. We went to the show "Awaited" at our cincinnati home church, Crossroads. GOSH do i miss that church and the community. The show was amazing per the usual. The hot chocolate was as delicious as ever...and i REALLY wish i could be a part of that show! Everytime im at Crossroads i feel so overwhelmed with God's spirit...i feel so at peace, at home, and I just like THIS is where i feel renewed. I really would move back to Cincinnati SOLELY for Crossroads and the spiritual growth we experience(d) there...we wont be buying a house for about 2 years according to our master savings plan, but when we do is when we will make the final decision of whether we will buy in cincinnati or indy. A LOT of prayer and keeping spirits/ears open to His plan will be vital.

So BEFORE Awaited we went to his Nana and Grandpa's to visit and to our *SURPRISE* aunt patty, karen, and cousins josie, ethan, and lydia were all there too! How awesome. Patty just made FRESH homemade bread (WOW amazing) and we all sat around chatting it up. Then after awaited we headed to the in-laws for dinner and gift exchange. A very fun-filled family/friend day indeed :)

Other christmas 2010 key points:

-ate too many spritzer cookies...they get me EVERYTIME...sometimes i wish my mom wasnt such a good cook/baker lol. Literally felt NAUSEOUS last night i ate so many. This whole zone diet is gona take A LOT of discipline...i have such a hard time when sweets are staring at me ....

-it was our *first* Christmas as *married folk* :) I can't thank God enough for the gift he gave me as my husband and for the marriage we have started building WAY before the wedding and we continue to make a conscious effort to work on everyday. One of my main goals in life is to be the best wife ever and have the best marriage ever because this marriage and this man mean so much to me. I'm lucky enough to have a husband who makes our marriage a priority as well and wants what i want just as bad...i have so much hope for us, our marriage, and our future solely because we view our marriage and treat our marriage like the most important thing in our life (second only to our Creator and match maker :) I consider myself the luckiest lady alive. And i really dont think im living in la-la land fantasizing about this perfect marriage and perfect world...im WAY too realistic and flawed to believe in THAT...what i KNOW is that we are both imperfect people...and thus we both have to always make the effort to work on ourselves and our marriage...my Aunt Jill puts it so well.."our goal is to get our spouse to heaven"...we love one another SO much as to help them become who God created them to be...not in a judgmental manner or as a disciplinary action...but lovingly help one another grow closer to God and as we grow closer to God we grow closer to love and thus our marriage and us as individuals just continue to get better and better. Not a bad plan now, is it?!?! But there i go again with getting off the simple topic of "christmas 2010" hahahaa

-we BOTH finished the stockings we were making one another...i think we both surprised ourselves at how crafty we could be! With the help of Mama Martin we got things goin and picked up on the sewing and stitching pretty fast! We put "momma" and "papa" for our names...not bc we have kids now (other than berfie of course lol)...but bc we will...and honestly, even if God's plan is different and we end up without kids he is still the father of our relationship and im the mother.. so cant go wrong. I'm gonna go shopping for more stocking kits here soon tho so we can start on our future kids' stockings hahaha...just so we can get a good head start and dont have to rush when the future little boogers grace us with their presence :)

-This Christmas was without Awahito...the house most definitely hasnt been the same without him...we got to talk to him today for that good 20 minute phone call so atleast we got that. His spirits sounded up which always lifts us up as well...but missing him at home is there regardless. Ready for him to be home in January. Praying its all uphill for him from now on...thinking of all those celebrating Christmas alone or without family...praying they would, too, find peace of mind and joy of heart...wherever they may be.

- ive been thinking ALOT about the families and individuals who will spend Christmas remembering the loss of a loved one...with the tragic loss of one of my young co-workers this september still fresh in my mind my heart just pours out to all those who spend their holidays remembering the holidays past which included their lost loved ones. I think of my niece Ny'Shawn and her mother+family and how bittersweet the holidays must always be. I always think of my Grandpa's around the holiday but i unfortunately didnt ever really get to spend too much time with my grandpa eastman, and while i spent alot of time with my grandpa kovatch he was ready to go meet his creator and was happy looking back on the life he lived so its easier for me to do the same. It's the tragic loss of a loved one that gets me...especially around the holiday season. But those loved ones lost get to spend Christmas in the best seat in the house...with their heavenly Father. I know Ny'Shawn is dancing around with the angels now :)

Anyhoots! All in all its been a great Christmas...good time of reflection...good time thinking of future christmases especially when reese and i are in our own place and start our own traditions with our kids...good time to relax for a solid day since i didnt have to work...and an unfortunate display of lack of control when it comes to baked goods. How sad. Poor cholesterol. And MAN am i gona feel it next time at crossfit. EEK!

Thank you God for loving us so much as to give us your son to teach us about you and to display for us what love REALLY is...O come let us adore Him...

ps. one of my FAVORITE versuses from a favorite christmas song, Oh holy night...

Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.
And in his name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
With all our hearts we praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we,
His power and glory ever more proclaim!
His power and glory ever more proclaim!

GO TO SLEEP ABITHA !!!!!! UR MOTHER IS GOIN CRAZY!

Never thought my cat would drive me to insanity. Got home from a 16hr shift ready to go to bed and she has managed to wake me up about every 45min ..its 20minutes till I've been up for 24hrs...shes not sick , she has the essentials, but she won't shut up and go to sleep! I'm now upstairs and shut away from all animals ...if I don't sleep soon this Cincinnati day trip is really gona b a doozy ... I'm uber dependent on sleep as it is and now i haven't slept since 545 the previous morning?! Yea...this isn't any good ...and I won't even be able to sleep all day tomorrow cuz of the Cincinnati trip ...which I'm excited about but I mean I'm gona b groggy all day and look like I've been punched in both eyes w these dark circles I'm sure to have...I pray abby isn't sick and that's y she's meowing so much ...she doesn't act sick tho so that's good ...she's just driving her mama nuts! And this terrifies me for the future w kids ...I mean most of the time kids keep u up often when they r babies and then only when they r sick when they get older...when they r sick I feel like it'll b easier to suck up the lack of sleep and atleast when they r babies they only wake up q3h for the first few months (prayerfully) ...I just hope this doesn't happen too often if my (future) kids know what's good for their mama and , thus, them lol. Ok well now I'm done eating my oatmeal (once I got upstairs I still couldn't sleep ...this time cuz my stomach was aching in hunger as if u didn't have a "bedtime" snack at 1230am when I got home from work...oh and note that the whole time I was in the kitchen abby was meowing and scratching at the basement door to come upstairs ...I opened the door, snuggled her, asked her what her problem was, she meowed again, so her ass went BACK in the basement lol ...I can love her from afar ) ...ok ...goodnight ...prayerfully ...

Humbug

I love Christmas...i love the music...i love the decorations...i love the family and friend get togethers...and i love the reason we celebrate. I love Christmas mass, I love singing happy birthday to Jesus (lol...my family really does...its uber corny but i love it oh so much), and i love the gratitude that overwhelms me thinking that God would send us Jesus for our sake...to bring us peace and salvation eternally. I love the strength of Mary...how she immediately accepted the great gift of bearing the Son of God...just simply had enough faith to let His will be done without question. I love it all....

What I've been having a hard time with tho is this "christmas spirit" aka gift giving. Now don't get me wrong i LOVE giving gifts to people, especially as a surprise or when i buy something just bc i KNOW they'd love it. But for whatever reason i have such a hard time with gift buying for christmas. It's like i get super pressured to go out and buy people stuff JUST because its christmas...like it's expected..a given. And i know that the gift giving is so much more than that but for some odd reason i just get more and more turned off by the whole gift aspect of christmas. I'm asked "what i want for christmas" ....ummmm whatever u think id like??? It's not about what i WANT. It's about what YOU want to give simply because you think it will bring joy. And that's what I want to do...and i know plenty of people dont have a hard time with all this and if i had this convo w them theyd be like "DUH...thats why i love buying gifts so much" but i dunno...i just feel so pressured and i dont necessarily feel all that excited to go buy gifts cuz i cant help this feeling that im buying people gifts cuz i have to...

I bet if i started christmas shopping earlier things would be different...id have plenty of time to browse around several stores and malls to get great ideas and find things that really scream out " YES! so-and-so WOULD LOVE THIS!!" instead of running around the MOBS of crazy people (let me emphasize CRAZY!) with the feeling that all i have to do is buy people on my list a gift just to have a gift to give. If i started earlier i could beat the crowds...have plenty of time for thoughtful, loving gifts that would bring me just as much joy as it would the person receiving it.. and maybe with more time i wouldnt feel so pressured. But today i just felt like Scrooge walking amongst everyone just hoping to buy SOMETHING for people...it's definitely NOT what the season is about...the season that i love so much...

I'm determined. Next year will be different. I'll start making a list of my gift giving ideas even before Thanksgiving and then designate days to go out just to browse to see what else i can find and what makes me smile enough to actually buy for my loved ones. Maybe ill go with friends or family who really got the joyful shopping stuff done to an art so it will be more of a fun time w friends event. Ya know...now that i think about it...i hate shopping in general...maybe thats why i get discouraged by christmas shopping...cuz not only is it shopping for mass people but its almost forced shopping and its with jam packed malls with people who run into u and dont even both to say excuse me. I hate malls to begin with...let alone when they are packed. So yes, i think i need to start all this christmas gift giving sooner...or maybe online shopping? And i also think i need to start thinking about how i want to maurice and i to have christmas as a family when kidos come along...cuz neither one of us want it to be about "making a list" and getting all that u want on it...but then i also want to bring that special joy that only kids TRULY receive to our little ones...i know there's a perfect balance...my parents did a pretty darn good job at it so im sure maurice and i will find it, too. Anyhoots...just kinda felt like scrooge and needed to get some of that off my chest briefly. I love giving and i love the Christmas season...but still gotta find that happy balance with gift buying...gotta find a way to make it just as joyful to me as it is to those who will receive it cuz if i get joy out of the gift i bought for someone then SURELY they will be that much more joyous cuz gifts that make the giver happy to give bc they just KNOW their loved one will LOVE it always end up being the greatest presents for the recipient...and thats how it should be.